Personal Style and lifestyle by Amanda C.Watson

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Not fitting in...

Hey guys, I recently woke up and as usual there is so much in my mind...Having so much stuff on my mind is making me hungry, hungry for a new start.... Ive been thinking about doing this for a very long time and I think today is the day that Im going to start... So let me just start by telling why I want to talk about this.. Some how I feel like this is going to help me and help others with this matter....

I dont ever how Im going to start, so I guess the smartest thing to do is to start from the beginning... I hit puberty pretty early, and my body started to change really really fast... My hips were getting wider and my chest started to grow a lot ... And pretty soon I needed to start to thing about bras and what not... My confidence level was really low.. I always tried to hide my self in oversizes tshirts and hunching my back like there was no tomorrow... 

My family started to notices some changes in my behavior, and they started to push me to let go of that fear... My biggest concern in life was " OMG i have huge breast( and they keep getting bigger) and people are going to start to look at me differently,,, which they did but, but mostly because I was so eager to hide myself, And now that I think about it people probably knew that I was hiding because of my breast,,,, I felt like a freak sometimes... Oh remember what my bitchy neighbor did for my birthday, she gave me the most see trough top ever, back then I didnt realize that she did it intensionally, back then I though the worst of me.... 

Another hard thing about me growing up and having larger breast were the boys and not only boys but men to, and that was the worst part... They started to give me attention and I didn't like it... it felt wrong and I was pretty much disgusted with my self, specially when one of my friends said... " He only likes you because of your boobs" I m not going to get into details about this particular thing, But I think most you know, what was up...

When I hit a certain age, I think 15... I changed,, and I didnt even realize, until my mom mentioned... She was right... I stopped wearing oversize t shirts to cover my breast and I started to appreciating what I had.... When I started high school I started to dance and my life really did change because I gained a little bit of confidence and my complex about my breast started to disappear... I really thank my mom for that she has always been there for me... The weird/sad part about this is that I still sometimes feel bad about my large breast... Specially when I see a top that I really like but I cannot wear, or when I see a cute bikini and I know that I could wear it.. But I just dont want to people look at me... So what I'm trying to say is that... my complex around them has gotten better, but sometimes is hard... Another thing that doesn't make things better is my hight, Im petite so when ever I gain a little bit of weight Its very noticeable... But sometimes I really dont care... 

Now that Ive been so much into fashion and cloth... Im always looking for new blogs, to get inspired by... but also because I had become a fashion blogg/holic... I love fashion blogs... The only bad part is that, well if you haven't notice... There is a specific type of girls that are basically taking over,,, Im talking about the model type/normal/chic and thin fashionista girl...  And since Im not a machine, Im a human... Its sad cuz for some reason, I started to compare myself to them, and sometimes this is blocking me and making me a little bit disappointed...  Like I mention before my breast were a big issue when I was growing up, but I had some weight and body  issues as well, which is not so weird cuz both problems were related... I gained a little bit of weight in Spain and the voices and the bad confidence is trying to get into my head again...And I want to put a end to it...

SO today I felt the need to share this with the rest of the world, to let it go and move on and the most importantly do something about it... I started to work out cuz I gain a little bit of weight in Spain, and I know that Ive mention it before... I just hope you guys dont take this the wrong way...  I work out because if I wanna look good and be healthy, for my body shape and height, the best way to look hot is to be tone up... when I get tone up my whole body looks great and I feel great--- SO I hope you guys dont take this in a wrong way...

SO I also got an idea that would help and others to stay motivated... I though I would share my personal advices about how you can be fashionable and look good and you can still look like you are not hiding anything... Well tip nr 1... Get a good bra... and try to get a new one every other month... Sometimes I dont follow this tips because sometimes I cannot afford a really good bra... but what I do is I get a good cheap one and I buy a new one a month later... So yeah my other tip is and I guess the first thing you need to do is stop hiding .... Thats for today, I m going to continued this by showing you show tips fashion wise and maybe even a little bit of exercise that you  guys can do.... If you guys have any questions dont, hesitate write me a email or just comment below... 

I feel so much better now that this out of my chest... Because now that, that is out of the way I feel like I can really move on... 
Oh I just wanted to add something::: 
Sometimes when u feel down, u want to analyze the whole thing by attacking the one thing that is bothering you in that specific momment... (so this is pretty much what happen to me this morning)... But yes Im very proud of who i am and body
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12 comments

  1. oh sweetheart, dont ever compare yourself to other people, especially bloggers. i know exactly how you feel.. not just about that but about this whole post. and im glad you were able to find an outlet <3 although we are perfect strangers, i can tell you are a strong beautiful woman who has her head on straight. keep your chin up babe.. life is so short and i know you may know this already but things like this do not really matter at all. at the end of the day, you have the air in your lungs sweetheart and a mother that loves you so much! im here if you need to talk! xo!

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  2. Thank you so much for this post... And yes u are right... this is not a huge problem... Its just that sometimes when u feel down u want to analyze the whole thing by attacking the one thing that is bothering you... But yes Im very proud of who i am and body, I do love my body... And thanks so much for you advices =)

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  3. it's name of my boyfriend (swedish) ;) i love sweden so much !

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  4. What a baeutiful blog and I can TOTALLY relate! I also have big boobs (38DD) and I am a bit on the chubby side and although i LOVELOVELOVE fashion, I get put off from posting up things I wear on my blog because I don't fit the "ideal" weight and look of all the other fashion bloggers.

    I've learnt not to compare myself to others because it does nothing but bring you down and it begins to consume you. You're such a beautiful girl and I don't want you to feel unmotivated at all!

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  5. This post is so inspiring. I can relate to this perfectly people have started commenting that I have started to gain weight and I feel fat when I see other bloggers with perfect stick thin legs.

    I get you & we shouldn't compare ourselves to others and be proud of what we are. I mean it's not my fault I love food. & need to tone hard for summer.

    beautiful post <3

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  6. Reckless Rekha@Omg are you serious? THose people need to back off!.. And dont feel fat cuz you are not... I think toning up is a really good I idea...

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  7. hi! thanx for ur lovely comment! gorgeous blog! following!!

    i bought my hat about 2 months ago, i have seen it recently in a H&M near me but not at the store i bought it! ... u might have to shop around!! It is from the divided section .... hope that helps! xoxo

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  8. you are beautiful!!!!!
    and this post let me know that you are a real person i love that

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  9. Thanks for the comments girls!

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  10. Following and agreeing with everybody else's comments: you. Are. Gorgeous. A natural beauty that comes from within as well the outside. :]

    And I can certainly relate with the body issues: I always feel compelled to be skinny (even to this day), even with my mom (who teaches classes at a gym) telling me that I am perfectly normal for my height + body type. (Athletic.) I tone up easily, so I can't achieve that model-thin look I sometimes admire... even though I know I shouldn't.

    Thanks for making this post: it's always nice to know that bloggers are real people too. <33 I look forward to hearing about how your exercising goes, as I have just started myself on a new exercise regimen. :D

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  11. I haven't read the whole blog but I feel like this is the best post, so honest and so thoughtful. I can relate. I tend to compare myself to others but at the end I think its best to be Unique than juts be like everyone else.
    From the picture I see you look absolutely fabulous and I think its really amazing that you had the courage to share and want to help other in the same situation :) xx

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